What Happened
While at a museum, I got this call from a number that said to call back. I did, and was connected to the Cingular phone system, which was much less pleasant than Verizon's. They don't like the fact that I don't actually have a Cingular phone number, so rather than connect me to a person it is apparently a lot more efficient to just say 'bye' and hang up. Nice. I called back and picked a completely inappropriate set of voice prompts before being transferred to a human bean.
Some History:
A few months ago I bought this wireless cellular card for a laptop. I went out to test it, and it just didn't work that well in my area. Not real surprising considering I work out in the middle of nowhere. Well, more like in-between somewhere and nowhere, but the service is still pretty spotty, and that is what matters. Of course I returned it before the cutoff date of two weeks or some such. That means I don't have to pay on a contract for two years or pay for the card. Yippee! So why are they calling me?
The Aftermath:
I wish I knew why they were calling me, as does the person on the other end of the line. After giving her my address, phone number, birthday, and full social security number, she still can't find my account. After a few minutes she asks me again what state I live in. When I tell her, she quickly responds with, "Oh, I'm in the Western division, I can't pull up your information. Let me transfer you to the right area." I don't know if it was just an excuse or the truth, either way it was total incompetence. Fortunately I'm not bitter.
The next person is able to quickly pull up my account. Yippee! Apparently they think I owe them a hundred dollars or so. Boo! They also seem to think that I never cancelled my account or returned the card. What is it with these telco people? She also has no idea where I bought the card, and has no listing for the address anywhere near where I did. Stink, that means I have to go to the store to get this straitened out.
The people at the store were friendly and perfectly willing to help me out. Good, unfortunately they recently changed to a new system and can't pull up returns made on the old system. The lady I'm talking to says she must go talk to her manager in the back room. I'm pretty sure that means she needed a cigarette, or just a chance to check her email. After a while she comes back out to announce that they did indeed accept a return, but that they need to prove it. She gets on the phone and spends the next 20 minutes talking to their customer service. Actually, I don't know how long it was, but I figure it was at least a half hour total. It could have gone worse. Oh, and the new system can't reprint receipts. Oh, and I had to pay them $10 for the pleasure. Here is the helpful woman herself.
She is smiling because she thinks I am being goofy. The truth is that I want her picture because if they call me again I am going to hunt her down and throw cell phones at her. (note to law enforcement officials: If anything happens to her, I had nothing to do it. No real or intended damage was ever meant to be directed in that direction.)
Conclusion:
The similarity of this experience to the Verizon Experience is uncanny. The same dial out/call back system is used. Customer service on either end was completely unable to find my account with all of my vital information. Both insisted I owed them a little over a hundred dollars. Everyone I talked to was female. Coincidence? I think not! This is obviously a government cover up. They are operating under the guise of offering multiple competing companies, when in fact they are a single monopoly that is gouging the U.S. consumer of billions of dollars while simultaneously bombarding their heads with mind controlling devices embedded in cell phones. They are also.....trying to....errrr....what was I saying? Oh yea, I like taxes!