I very nearly called this the Poo Page because that is all it is, but I decided that it would be best to mark it as something for those not faint of heart.
First let me say that I did not take any pictures of my business in the toilet. I've known a good number of people that did that sort of thing, and I will leave that up to them. What can I say, it's never really interested me.
A common question I seem to get is what the bathroom experience is like after eating only carrots for a couple of weeks. Well honestly, it is the same after eating carrots for a day. Once you only have carrots in your digestive tract, that is it.
Raw Carrots
It doesn't seem to be that hard for your body to move only raw carrots through your intestines. The total time in your body is pretty small. You can figure that it is the lowest theoretical without inducing some sort of diarrhea. Once it gets to the end, you do what you normally do. The actual defecation is quick. Real quick. In fact, it seems way to quick and easy when it's happening, so it's a real surprise to look down and see how much is down there. Really, it is strange to have things pass so quickly.
The consistency is different from anything I think I've ever passed, not that I actually touched it mind you. This is just from looking down and watching when flushing the toilet. Imagine if you chewed up a bunch of carrots and then spit them into your hand. Then you try to squeeze them into a ball in your hands. You'll probably be able to get it to stay until something bumps it. That's how the raw carrots in the toilet are. This isn't diarrhea, it's got shape. But the carrots have no real internal consistency, so they can't hold their shape under any stress. You hit the lever on the toilet and it's like someone set off a carrot bomb.
Oh, and carrots are heavier than water. Like sediment. Orange sediment.
Cooked Carrots
This is a little hard to talk about with much authority as any time I cooked carrots I also ate some raw carrots. I can say though that the result had a tiny bit more consistency than plain raw carrots. Cooked carrots are still very easy to pass and have very little time in the digestive tract. They are almost identical to raw, just a little less.
Number One
My pee was the same coloring as at any other time in my life, so there is nothing to get excited about here. For about two days it did gain a really pungent odor, but I have no idea why. Really sharp like if you get a sudden whiff of super strong chemicals. Pee is crazy stuff.
Problems
Oh, there were problems alright. Very unpleasant problems. Through some experimentation I have found that I can sit down and eat a pound of baby carrots just fine. But if I try to sit down and eat two pounds of baby carrots, there will be stomach pains. I'm not sure what exactly it happening, but it hurts for the next couple of hours. Going to sleep for a while will make it go away. One thing that seems to prevent this is drinking lots of water. I guess drinking a few liters of water when consuming massive amounts of carrots really helps with digestion.
There were a couple of times when I think I ate to much olive oil or something and it made my body just dump out whatever it happened to have in it. It didn't wait around for anything either, it just evacuated the entire thing as quickly as humanly possible. Result was dark brown and orange water with lots of sediment at the bottom. Where did the brown come from? I don't know. Oh, and it smelled rank. It is possible that part of my body was rotting from the inside out and that was just it's method of dumping the rotted parts. At least it smelled like something dying.
Mixed With Food
I've been eating regular food now for a couple of weeks, but I've also been eating around a pound of carrots per day. I haven't been keeping close track, but I've been buying baby carrots in two pound bags and eating them when I want a snack and have no ice cream.
The results are interesting. If there is a lot of food consumed that does not include carrots, then it seems to move much more slowly than any carrot based edibles. So when you go, there is first a passing of real food, followed by a deceptively quick passing of any carrots that have been held up in the system. If I've been eating the carrots close to another food, they mix and form a relatively solid piece of fecal delight, mostly orange, and entirely easy to pass. In that move Dr. Dolittle 2, the doc explains to the bear how he is supposed to make a butt plug by eating lots of grass and stuff, so that he can hibernate. I think of that every time I go to the bathroom because compared to carrots, that is what regular food is like.
Testimonials
Props go out to Charles, who sent me the longest email, and managed to make the entire thing about fecal discoloration.
I've seen tanning butter people who look orange but that's not the reason why I am writing to you...
Last spring, while waiting for the hotel shuttle to take me to the airport I wandered into a candy store. I only meant to buy a few dollars worth of chewy gooey candy but instead purchased over $70.00 worth! It was a retro-candy store with all they yummy goodness of my childhood and I had to buy everything. There were also new candies I had never heard of or tried.
Anyways, I bought a bag of blue iridescent licorice that were meant to be a berry flavour of some kind. Have you ever ate a whole bag of licorice or gummy bears by yourself? You're watching tv not even aware that you are munching away until you reach into the bag and there is only one left? Well, that happened to me. I ate a whole bag of blue licorice all my myself one night.
I didn't turn blue overnight. My shit did. Strangely, I was in awe and I wanted to wake up my room-mates to show them my blue shit. I never seen blue shit before. I don't even have a camera anymore so there was no way to record it. If I really wanted to I could reproduce it all over again.
Fast forward several months, one of my room-mates bought some milkshake mix that was meant to be made in an ice cream machine or sorbet machine. It was on sale and he knew he didn't have any such devices but thought he could use a plain old mixer. But the mixer needs to be continually chilled. Take it all around it was a failed experiment no matter what he tried. He must have drank 2 to 4 quarts of milkshake mix during his experiments.
He didn't turn white overnight. His shit did. Upon reading the ingredients we discovered that the mix was heavily laden with artificial colors. Who woulda thunk that vanilla milkshake needs to be artificially colored?
I told them about my blue shit.
My other room-mate had mentioned if you ate too much beet soup not only would your shit turn red but your piss would too.
Being guys, we talked about all the different colors we could turn our shit into. Not that we are going to, heck no! But if we did I think we would strive for the more harder colors to achieve like gold or purple. For instance, too much pepto bismal turns shit into black, what if you drank too much pepto bismal and then drank too much milkshake mix? Would it be grey or silver?
Hopefully, we'll never know.
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Be Warm Stay Cool
Charles
Thanks Charles. I don't know what I would have done without those special roommates that would wake me up to show me their latest accomplishment floating in the toilet.